“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”
― Abigail Van Buren
Have you ever wondered why those who are successful have an attractive individuality?
Born out of, cultivated and refined from past knock-downs, denials and hardships, there’s a certain character to the self-made business person that has shining stand-out qualities you can sense before even meeting them.
Look at the best salespeople; the top marketers; the finest entrepreneurs – who their foundations are built from their mistakes, heart-aches, struggles and red-hot rejection – even to the point of once having every ounce of courage beat out of them.
With nowhere else to go, no-one to turn to and all luck dried up…
…It’s these people who have nothing left to lose; all their limitations eradicated – burnt out of them. Having fallen to the bottom of a bottom-less pit…
…the countless times trying to please others, begging for approval, afraid of mistakes; frightened of ridicule.
The endless lowering of confidence and wanting to be like others takes its toll.
Then one day, things change.
They had enough. They realise how many special thoughts, talents and experiences are locked inside them. A distinct gift awaits beneath their soul – gathering energy, day-by-day growing stronger… then when it’s ready – explodes out filling yourself and those around you with an energy of YOUR signature.
The independence and liberty from the tasteless mood of living under someone else’s rule is over.
How good does it feel?
It’s only at this point where you truly understand yourself. Know your value and portray your worth through your actions. A new breed of confidence is blooming through your veins, outward into the world for people to see.
It’s these people who’ve passed the test and are ready to possess the art of character.
“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.”
― Charlotte Bronte.
When PT’s see me for the first time, they always wonder if they can do it. Too often, they’re worried what ‘others’ will think of them if they were to get out there. Or what others ‘might’ say behind their back if they dare become successful.
People are afraid to be themselves; to like themselves; to express themselves because they want peer approval – even if that ‘approval’ is in sacrifice of their own.
Rita Mae Brown said it best…“I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself.”
Fact: People hate seeing you succeed. And they’ll do anything to discourage you, block your success and yes… THEY WILL talk behind your back and create as much of a negative force against you.
And when given the option, people would rather suffer in exchange to see you walk away with nothing.
Have you heard of the Ultimatum Game Experiment…?
In it, there are 2 subjects. One is given $10 and is asked to split it with another subject.
If the other subject (receiver) refuses the offer, BOTH parties lose the money.
When the split is 50:50, more often than not the split becomes successful – and both parties keep their money.
However, the rejection rates were approximately 33% when the ‘giver’ decided to give the receiver 20 percent less of the share.
In other words, even when the second subject (receiver) is offered at least ‘something’ – the very thought of knowing someone else having ‘more’ than them – they are prepared to END UP WITH NOTHING than to see someone else walk away with more money (even though the dollar pot was only $10).
Note: In other words, when the receiver has the option of pocketing $4 and you keeping $6 – is enough for the receiver to trigger greed, jealousy and every other negative feeling towards you to end the deal and see you walk away with nothing.
Do you think this phenomena only exists with humans?
It’s in nature too. Have you noticed why you don’t need to put a lid on a bucket with more than 1 crab?
If you’re trying to escape your herd, you’re going to get pulled, clasped and clamped back down.
But as a human, when you do break away and start things on your own, there will always be people anticipating strongly that you fail… and wishing you break down and lead an unsuccessful miserable life…
…the same life as them.
They envision and manifest the look on your face on the day of your decline.
But as an independent leader, you live on your own terms.
Have you ever noticed what great leaders have in common?
Genuine leaders aren’t afraid to express themselves. As a result, they create a following they love being around. They create an alliance with positive, empowering people – who are full of encouragement.
The question is… as a leader, what type of crowd will you create for yourself?
Being encapsulated and enslaving yourself to satisfy other people’s perceptions and visions of you blinds you of your own.
Living inside and conforming into somebody else’s character cheats you of your own.
You were born to live a life. Why live it through someone else’s eyes?
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
― Oscar Wilde
So, if you’re asking yourself… “can I be successful?” – You may answer it with this question…
Who owns success?
Do you have to ask permission to use it?
Do you have to ask someone to borrow it?
Success is not property. You are not trespassing on anyone’s land. You don’t need a permit to use it.
Success is not for the ‘other’ person. IT’S FOR EVERYONE TO OWN IT.
And those who choose to own it are the solid leaders you know. Those who choose their own path; their own destiny. And it’s for those who have the confidence to sacrifice their own adversity in exchange for it.
The best people to deal with are those who’ve experienced the hardships of rejection – and having overcome social pressure. They’re the business people you love dealing with. They have attractive social interactions. They can communicate with anyone – and people just love being around them.
They know how to help you and understand exactly what you’re going through – and the challengers you’re facing. Remember, they’ve sacrificed their life for these skills.
And this is only possible due to the pain they once felt. Compassion is formed. Others can feel it. Their character is morphed into a persona you find irresistible.
On the other hand, business people who’ve never needed to work on themselves; never taking the time to understand how things work; those full of ignorance and feed off their spoiled nature are the worst people to deal with. They see people as cold faced objects and use you for their own greedy self-interests. They’re sociopaths. In the business world, there are many.
And these people have a high ‘friend’ turnover – and the lowest friendship retention rates. They were too afraid to understand themselves, now they fail to understand others.
Are you ready to possess the art of character? What are you willing to sacrifice in exchange for it?
I’ll leave you with this quote: “Character is not made of sunshine and roses. Like steel, it is forged in fire, between the hammer and the anvil.”
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